Nguyet looked away from me to think it through.
“But that's so cold-hearted,” she replied.
Later that day, she went to the manager, Nhu Hoa, to discuss it, but Hoa had heard it from half the volunteers already.
“They think you emphasize ‘roles’ too much.” Hoa reported to me. “They think you don’t have any feelings and that you can’t sympathize with people.”
I looked away from her to think it through.
Being the older sibling in a family system isn’t always easy.
However, Ba-Co-Chi-Em is about filling and modeling these roles for girls at risk. Nguyet was so caring, sincere, and vulnerable that I wonder how she could be an effective chi (big sister). I was so eager to make this a sustainable, replicable project, how could I be a more caring, thoughtful anh (big brother)?
The first week Nguyet showed up to the homes of her two assigned em’s (little sisters), she came back to tell me that she also agreed to tutor two more siblings and three neighborhood kids.
I quickly slapped my palm to my forehead.
Through our Google Doc Diaries system, I have been keeping up with Nguyet’s progress with her two em’s. One, Trinh*, is a really sweet eight-year-old girl who lives in a cramped, complicated neighborhood. The other, Khuyen*, is a 15-year-old who is really eager to just quit high school and get some work. [*names changed]
It was difficult for Hoa to get the chi volunteers to understand how to rely on their sensibilities rather than their sympathies. Nguyet wants to so badly help everyone, that it took her a while to understand the reasoning behind the limitations I put forth for everyone. These limitations define the difference between being a tutor or a friend to being a big sister.
At the start of the relationship, Nguyet is just some stranger unfamiliar to her little em as much as the neighbors. Only with the limitations does she become that big sister to Khuyen and Trinh.
The big sister who, after five months together, gets to hear her little sister, Khuyen, say “I really like telling you about school. Day by day, I get to tell you more and now I really want to go to school.”
The big sister who gets to see Khuyen write a letter requesting a scholarship from me, so she can finally take personal ownership over her own education.
The big sister who visits Trinh’s block during a blackout. As Nguyet describes it, “The neighbors gathered together in candlelight. It made me feel really warm”.
Ba-Co-Chi-Em is about building partnerships with families and neighborhoods, but that all starts with the bond between the little em and the big chi.
As proud I am of the little em’s for perservering and committing, I can’t say enough of about the 15 chi volunteers of Team Nen Hong :
Thank you to Kieu, Huynh Mai, Mai, Thao Em, Thoa, Loan, Nguyet, Quyen, Nhu Huynh, Chau,
Without you, this simply doesn’t work.
**To find out how to support the next team of chi volunteers, please contact markbpham@gmail.com or you can send a direct donation by clicking below.
